An old Irish proverb states, “A good friend is like a four leaf clover; hard to find and lucky to have. I’ve shared this before (in my Why You Should Break Up With Her blog post) and I’m sharing it again because there is so much beauty behind this type of friendship + I feel like I’m in such a blessed place with so many friends these days.

In my 30 years of life, I feel like I’ve learned a lot about friendships. I’ve had ups and downs. I’ve had those friendships that were break up worthy actually drift off and away. I’ve become close – more distant – and closer again with other friends, and by God’s grace, have been delivered some of the sweetest, most genuine new friends in adulthood than I ever could have asked for. I’ve really taken the time to admire those friendships because they all teach me how to be a better, more genuine friend in return.

I truly believe that if we put genuine, loving actions out into the universe, they will find their way right back to us, which is why I’ve been taking special note of these real life lessons. I want to replicate and magnify and spread the good that I have received in order to make this world (and my friendships) that much better. So without further ado:

Real Life Lessons I’ve Learned About Being A Real Good Friend

1. Show up.
   I’ve learned that being the friend that shows up is one of the best kinds. I’ve had friends show up for me while I was on hospital bed rest – visiting me directly or taking care of my family. I’ve had friends show up by simply answering their phone and staying on the line with me while I needed conversation the most. And I’ve had friends that have shown up with their prayers over and over and over. (Among many other examples.) In turn, I try my hardest to be that friend that can always show up when needed the most — in a crisis, when childcare is needed, when a dinner date out is the only way to feel better or when a listening ear is just what the heart needs, or just plain whenever. I’ve been shown, being present is SO valuable and will never forget that lesson.
2. Take action.
   One of my most recent lessons in taking action came when I was talking to my friend Christina about my very strong willed child (something we both experience and relate to). Christina not only asked the right questions, but the next time I saw her, she came with solutions. She brought me essential oil blends for tantrums and calming children down + she even had the forethought of Maven starting school and put together another blend as well. Her words were so kind and encouraging when we first talked, but her actions in response? They were astounding. The fact that she thought of me beyond our conversation and took action to truly help, speaks volumes to her character. Exactly what I want to and continue to try to replicate in my friendships.
3. Speak so much kindness + truth.
   There are most certainly times in friendships that require good and attentive listening. Where you need to swallow your words and let the other person speak. And then there are times when your words will mean more than anything in the world. By offering your true perspective on things + your encouragement (at the appropriate opportunity), you could be helping a friend tremendously. And by speaking gently and considerately, you will speak straight to her heart. The thing that I’ve also learned here though is that speaking kindness + truth shouldn’t just have to be at those BIG moments in life. By offering these words daily or often to your friendships, you are feeding + nurturing them in the right ways. If you see a friend and she looks beautiful, tell her. If you are thinking of a friend, reach out to her and let her know. If you’ve prayed for a friend, don’t be afraid to share. I have several friends that do a really great job of this and always lead me by example.
4. Be vulnerable.
   So often it seems easier to just keep our weaknesses and insecurities and thoughts and vulnerabilities to ourselves. It takes energy to put yourself out there, and quite frankly, sometimes my natural tendency is to just clam up and keep it all in (though I seem to be an extrovert on the outside, I’m truly an introvert). The lesson I’ve learned here is that you should share. Break down those walls with those four-leaf-clover-friendships and s h a r e your heart and your soul and your world. It may come out in tears or anger or frustration. Or it may come out with anxiousness or depression or just plain fear. Whatever way it does, I’ve learned that it’s okay. Sharing these vulnerabilities is part of what makes the world – and these friendships – that much better. Your clover friends, they are there for you.
5. Break down the walls of competition + comparison.
   I think in my earlier years it wasn’t as easy for me to be my own individual self without looking at a friend (or other woman) and covet something about her. Yep, not my greatest moments, but just trying to keep it real. I’ve wanted someone else’s body, someone else’s success, someone else’s belongings, you name it. But honestly, once I learned to put any comparison or competitive nature aside is when the relationships were truly able to blossom and reciprocate to one another. The real change came when I no longer thought ‘I wish I had her body’ and instead told her how beautiful she was from the inside – out. Or when I was able to cheer for someone else’s success without feeling like I was failing in comparison. Now, if I have any of those negative thoughts, I ask myself ‘Wait, why am I feeling this way? Am I jealous? Am I just letting negativity get in the way? Why am I not speaking kindness instead of letting {insert whatever it is} get me down?’ An example of this is that some friends recently asked me about my blogging journey/follower count/stats and my first response was a downplay. In my mind I was thinking of others who have grown faster in several ways, instead of being proud of my own accomplishments and theirs alike. So when those friends replied to me, “that’s still HUGE”, I reminded myself that yeah, I’ve actually come a long way + I’m super proud of my other blogging friends and all of the success they’ve had, too. I believe I had to be confident and less competitive with myself before I could embrace all of that beauty, success, etc. in others as well.
6. Do it NOT out of obligation, but out of LOVE.
   This is NOT to give myself accolades by any stretch, just to tell you that I have really experienced giving and doing out of LOVE and it is the most extraordinary feeling. Whether it’s showing up at a friend’s house with a meal, dropping an unexpected gift on a doorstep or in the mail, treating someone to a coffee…when it comes from deep down in my heart – the kind of compelling action that I would feel foolish if I didn’t act upon it – it makes me feel like I am listening to God and extending the hand for Him. And those actions out of love do not go unnoticed. I have been on both the giving and receiving end and they are truly life giving.

I’m always learning and growing and evolving as a person. I’ve found so many ways in which to find inspiration, but I have to say, becoming inspired by my very own friends is truly a blessing.

Wishing you all at least one very special, four-leaf-clover-friend in your life. ?

XO