Mark is currently on paternity leave and the more people are recognizing he is still off, the more questions or comments I get about it. How long is he off for? What does he do? That must be so nice!
The facts: Mark has a six week paid paternity leave from his employer and yes, it is SO, SO, SO nice. We have never once taken it for granted and we are very grateful that the company he works for greatly values its employees + provides wonderful benefits to them (and their families). The paternity leave benefit was increased from two weeks to six weeks just after we had Sylvie, so this is the longest Mark has been off after having a new baby in our family.
Honestly, knowing Mark would be home for this long made me less nervous about our transition from 2 to 3 kids.
I want to share some truths about this Paternity Leave because of all the questions I’ve been asked about it, and because I am a huge advocate for this benefit, (along with MATERNITY LEAVE – don’t even get me started there) especially since it has been such a blessing for our family. Sure, some days are still hard – we do have three kids three and under after all ? – but every one of us in the Boettcher squad has benefitted from the benefit of paternity leave.
Here are my truthful thoughts:
Truth: It has taken so much pressure off of the transition in our family.
Everything just felt lighter. We got home from the hospital and rested easy knowing we had so much time as a family to transition and adjust together. I didn’t have to be worried about Mark going back to work and resuming my SAHM/WAHM duties while I was still barely recovered from delivery. I didn’t feel we had to get right back into the swing of things. I didn’t feel that I would need so many extra helping hands because I knew Mark would be around. It just really eased the transition to adding a third baby to our family by SO much.
Truth: I have been able to rest and recuperate.
Giving birth is a BIG deal. Your body needs to recover + when you’re adjusting to the sleepless nights of a newborn and all of his or her tiny demands, your body craves rest in the deepest way. With Mark home, I’m able to do so far more than if I was alone with all three of our kids. And, I can prioritize this on days I really need it. If I’ve had a particularly sleepless night, I sleep in a little longer thanks to Mark getting up with our early risers. He’s also been able to help with meals and household tasks, also allowing me to rest rather than take care of all those things I typically do. And, he’s been able to take the girls out of the house for periods of time so I can just have some quiet time, or a nap / extra rest, or to get a few things done myself.
Related: Welcome to the World, Rush Robert Boettcher (Birth Story)
Truth: It has allowed Mark to have quality one-on-one time with our kids.
This has been incredibly sweet to watch! Mark typically has a really busy work schedule and so his time at home is limited during the week (obviously). But now, he has had some great time with our girls during his leave. He has taken them to run errands and on special outings. The girls are really loving it! The way Mark described his outlook on having three kids in my recent post about How We Are Transitioning from 2 to 3 Kids – A Mom AND Dad’s Perspective literally made me cry. From those words, I know he is loving it too.
Truth: It has taken some adjusting to get into a rhythm with our schedule.
I have been the one to keep track of our schedule – when to get the girls to school, swimming, dance class, gymnastics, appointments, etc. I know just how long it takes to get dressed in the morning and get packed up + in the car and on our way. I know that lunches and bags need to be packed on Tuesday nights. I know what items get packed in the bag for swimming lessons and the ins and outs of drop offs and pick ups.
I was a bit stressed at first when Mark was cutting it so close leaving to take the girls to their school or swimming lessons and most definitely had to help to make sure everyone was dressed and teeth brushed before they left. Now, after some trial and error + just a better understanding of how the days flow, Mark is getting into a rhythm. Just like with anything, you have to learn and even practice to get good at it! And always have to be prepared for your little ones (two year old especially) to throw a wrench in your getting out of the house plans.
Truth: Our house is a bit of a disaster and our laundry has been magnified.
Keeping it real here: Since we are all home it seems we have ALL the things out ALL of the time. I like things neat and orderly + just have a way of going through our day to keep it that way (i.e. dirty dishes don’t go in the sink, they go right in the dishwasher; toys get put away + a quick clean up around before we leave the house, etc.) And now… Counters are cluttered. Dishes are out. Laundry is piled up. (Not exactly sure how a newborn and a husband on paternity leave have quadrupled our laundry?!) Sometimes I feel like the only things I do these days are breastfeed and clean up messes, but I’ll continue to do so if it means we have the benefit of having Mark home.
Truth: We have the opportunity to cross a few things off of our to-dos around the house.
You know those projects that you just can’t always seem to fit in on the weekend when everyone is working and busy during the week? Sure we have a new baby around, but we’ve been able to squeeze a bit in. Cleaning up our basement is certainly on the list. So just a little reminder babe! ?
Truth: We have had more time together as a couple.
Mark and I went out on two lunch dates just us (and Rush ? ). We are able to have more conversations. We have had the opportunity to just hang out and have run errands together — not even sure when the last time those things happened prior to paternity leave. With Mark off of work, we have seen so much more of each other and our marriage benefits from that. Leading up to the gray area of when I would deliver Rush, Mark fit in a bunch of work travel and was entirely consumed with a hefty workload. So the stark contrast of having him gone all the time to home all the time has been really good for us.
Truth: Mark has been able to slow down and de-stress.
He is such a hard worker. His work can be demanding and deadline driven. He can be traveling back to back to back for clients and always wants to do his best work, so seeing him actually take a break and disconnect from work for a while is like seeing him take a really deep breath of fresh air. He’s been able to relax and take slow days. I know when he returns to work he will be better for it + he is a better husband and father for it, too!
Mark and I were reflecting on the topic of paternity leave last week and then the next day there was an article published in the New York Times called “Millenials See Paternity Leave As Priority”. It discussed how this generation values parental leave more than earlier generations so much so that they would be more likely to work for a company offering the benefit. I thought this paragraph was such a good descriptor of the importance:
“Men are doubling down on their daddy duties,” said Karyn Twaronite, global diversity and inclusiveness officer at Ernst & Young. “They want to have impact at home as well as at work.” She said that employees who receive paternity leave are “far more engaged and trusting of the organization because they can live a full life.”
The article also quoted a father from Earnst and Young who took his 16-week paternity leave after the birth of his daughter. He shared that he thought the leave was invaluable.
Even at 6 weeks off, both Mark and I agree. Paternity leave is certainly invaluable and that being able to have an impact at home and work are major priorities for us. We want to live fulfilling lives and thankfully, this leave is allowing us to keep in line with our priorities.
Did your husbands have a paternity leave benefit? How long were they off before returning to work? What was it like for you?
XO
Amazing family photographs taken by Jenna LeRoy Photography. ❤️