Here it is! The blog I mentioned I was working on but just couldn’t finish up last week: managing expectations. It’s actually funny that this is the topic because if you noticed, I didn’t post here on Monday even though it’s a day I normally publish. It was not easy to do, but I had to show myself grace and let myself be okay with the fact that I wasn’t going to achieve everything on my to-do list earlier this week, thus manage my expectations. So, without further ado…
Managing Expectations
While I was recently on vacation, I posted an interview with my mom in which she stated the one thing she would have cared less about while her children were young was any expectation she set for events taking place (family holidays, vacations, etc.). In my past two and a half years of motherhood, I have tried to do just that, but let me tell you, it’s not always easy. Sometimes I have these ideas of how a situation should play out, dreams of how an event will occur or even high hopes for family experiences. It’s in my nature to want what’s best, and sometimes it’s hard to settle anything other than what I have envisioned.
The term managing expectations sounds all professional, in my opinion. And in fact, I think the first time I used it was when I was at my “professional day job”. My boss loved it and now jokes with me about how we will proceed with projects while managing expectations of all parties involved. But really, he’s not joking because he truly wants me to manage what other staff, partners and stakeholders expect of the project(s) we are working on.
The root of managing expectations implies that you are setting precedence for what is to come. Managing that precedence requires not setting the bar too high or too low + anticipating what is going to be reality so you can make the most of it + choosing to be happy, whatever the outcome. Since I try to apply this principle not only to my work life but also my everyday life, I’d like to summarize a few of those applications here.
Vacation
When we got home from vacation, so many friends and followers reached out to say our trip looked so fun! They asked me about it and I couldn’t help but be honest. Maybe it was because I couldn’t control the words coming out of my mouth or maybe because I wanted someone else to tell me they had experienced the same thing, but my reply went something like this: Vacation was good and nice and we had beautiful weather but it was also challenging, tiring {so many sleepless nights} and filled with tantrums, outbursts and tears + I had a permanent little koala baby fixed on my hip who only wanted her momma. Did I mention it was tiring? The hard parts far outweighed the good parts some days, but we made the most of it. And when I wasn’t making the most of it, Mark kindly reminded me to do so. We likely learned our lesson of taking small children out of their element for that amount of time, and also learned our lesson in thinking they would want to do the same activities every day, particularly the ones that mom and dad wanted to do: beach & pool.
I wasn’t trying to be a pessimist with this response; I was just trying to be real. I completely and sincerely understand that we are so fortunate to be able to take time off of work, travel and pay for such a beautiful, extended vacation together. We are truly blessed with more than we need. But, this vacation was not as smooth as we had hoped. Of course Mark and I both knew this trip would not be like any of the vacations we had taken in the past. It was our first beach trip with two kiddos and while we never once anticipated that we would just lounge on the beach or by the pool, we still had some expectancy of how relaxing and uneventful our days would be. Wrong. We were so wrong. One night we pretty much laughed until we cried because for real, that day was that hard. We loved our time together though. We savored the good moments, made so many wonderful memories and thankfully were able to laugh off the rest. The pictures are all highlights. They show mostly the wonderful times we had, so please, don’t ever say it looked perfect. ☺️
Wedding
If you’ve read our anniversary story, you know that we were not able to host our wedding as originally planned on our real wedding date. Life and tragedy happened, and it was all we could think to do to postpone our celebration. We had been looking forward to and anticipating our wedding day for months and months, so it was expectable for us to experience a sense of sadness that it didn’t occur as planned. We look back on that day with bittersweet memories.
Exercise
Let it go, let it go… I truly miss the time in my life when I worked out for an hour or more, most if not all days of the week. Exercising is something I enjoy doing and want to do for all of the health benefits it provides {mind & body}. My exercise schedule does not look nearly the same as it used to. I don’t have a gym membership anymore; I don’t go to OrangeTheory; I haven’t been to a yoga studio in nearly a year and I don’t often work out without Maven around or without one of the girls in our beloved jogging stroller. Sometimes I get up early {5:00a or before} to squeeze in a workout, other times it’s fitting it in while Sylvie takes a morning nap while trying to entertain Maven – who wants to participate – in the process, or even spending a Friday night after the girls go to bed doing an at-home yoga flow. Mark and I used to run together quite often, but that’s not as easily done these days. I sign up for less races, participate in less classes and really have to rely on myself to keep my work outs going. It’s a different picture of fitness than before children, but I try to make it happen when and how I can.
Each of these is an example of where I’ve had to manage expectations in my life. Surely I could provide countless instances for you because I manage expectations daily {don’t we all?}, but these specific circumstances stand out right now and serve as reminders to me. They remind me to still set goals and dream about life and all its happenings, but to not be set in my ways because we really don’t control any of it. They remind me to choose to be content + happy with the journey and outcomes of all those life happenings instead of disgruntled if something hasn’t lived up to my expectation.
I find it can be difficult to not want things to be different or better sometimes. Our recent vacation, our wedding and my current exercise regime are examples of those cases. Did I want our vacation to be easier and consistently more enjoyable? Did I want our wedding day to happen as planned? Do I want to run or workout for an hour by.myself. daily? Yes to all of those. But, as I manage my expectations, I remind myself of reality. Reality was a two year old trying to test boundaries and challenge authorities because that is how she learns. Reality was a teething, clinging one year old because as her mother, I provide her with the comfort and security she needs. Reality was tragic circumstances that hit our family and that we were grieving. Reality is my time and capacity is not the same as it used to be. Sometimes it’s not all ideal, but we were never promised an ideal life. And though I’m not hoping for perfect, I’m not settling for less in any of these examples either; I’m stressing less when things don’t go my way and seeking to find joy in all circumstances. I’m choosing to live my life to the best it is right now and as a result, feel much more at peace.
XO