I am one of those women who wishes she was glowing + vibrant + full of energy during pregnancy but instead, I am the one who wants to sleep all day, feels entirely sick, scarfs down carbs to fight nausea and buys extra concealer to mask pregnancy pimples. Yep, hooray! Thank goodness my heart is still entirely grateful for this experience despite the not-so-glamorous side of it.
We’ve begun discussing names and searching Pinterest for nursery inspiration. I’m feeling the pull of having a third baby already because I don’t spend nearly as much time as I did in previous pregnancies thinking about all of this, but I know deep in my momma heart that it doesn’t mean I love this little one any less. Maven guesses if we’ll be having a boy or girl and Sylvie has started saying baby alllllll the time. And those things remind me that this little babe not only has two parents to love him or her but two siblings who simply cannot wait to snuggle and care for and welcome right into our squad too.
// baby //
First and foremost, our little babe is healthy and growing right on track for our December 1 due date. I actually just started feeling the tiniest movements this week, which to me, feel like little popcorn seeds popping ever so gently. I am treasuring these to the fullest!
// nausea //
When I reached week 7 and was still feeling well, I thought to myself maybe all pregnancies really are different. But then it happened {again}. Maven and I went on a spring break vacation to Florida (few pictures on Instagram!) and I started getting nauseous morning, noon and night. I wasn’t sure if it was just because I wasn’t feeling well though – I unfortunately acquired a really bad cold the day we arrived, felt miserable the whole time we were gone and came home to find out I had walking pneumonia. Not the most enjoyable way to spend weeks 7-8 in pregnancy. My exhaustion was through the roof…illness + growing a baby will do that to you and on top of it, the nausea had hit full force. Not the kind nausea where you can just suck it up, but rather the kind that rips everything out of you and doesn’t allow you to function in the slightest. Same with both Maven and Sylvie (though slightly less debilitating with Sylvie).
I ended up on Diclegis which is essentially a mix of vitamin B6 and Unisom. Unisom, I may add, is a sleep aid, therefore when I was at the full daily dose, I was quite literally a zombie. I did everything I could to stay awake during the day, napped when my girls napped, and often laid on the floor asking them to bring me toys or books so I could play with them too. It was a tradeoff to not be vomiting I guess. Also, not my brightest mom moments, but somehow and someway, we just had to make it work.
Now that I’m over the greatest hump of those first trimester hormones, the nausea is subsiding. I am no longer on the full dose and thankfully feeling a little less tired as a result. I’m hoping to wean entirely from the medication as quickly as possible.
// exhaustion //
See above. Pregnancy for me means sucking all of the energy out of my body and directing it right into growing that little babe of mine. Not that I wouldn’t do absolutely anything for him or her, but I could use just a little bit back to get on with normal life. There were a few weeks straight where I think I was only eating and sleeping and getting by with the bare minimum of everything else. Thank goodness for husbands and family members who can help in those times when you need it the most! I’m looking forward to a second trimester energy burst and actually just told my sister, Lori, today that I don’t feel like I need a nap every afternoon anymore.
// spotting //
I did not experience any spotting during my first two pregnancies. Because of that, I kind of used that as my baseline normal per say, which is why I panicked when I started spotting this time around. The last time I experienced spotting, it was the beginning of the loss of our angel baby, so all of the emotions + fear flooded in return.
After it started, I naturally did what any person would do, I googled it. {Terrible, I know.} What I wanted to find were stories of hope to cure this overwhelming fear that I was going to lose another baby, but instead I found a mix of information and a consensus that “spotting can be normal” yet there was a need to carefully note how much + the color in case it is “not normal”. I did as it said and tried not to panic. The first day, it was very light, generally only when I wiped and not bright red in color. The next day, things changed leading me to grow more concerned. It seemed like I was having clot like discharge (not to be too graphic, but similar to losing a mucous plug), so I called my OB’s office and spoke with a nurse. Because at that point it had been nearly 48 hours of spotting, I had to be seen, only my OB was not in the office and I had to see another provider.
I always prefer to see my own doctor, especially given my history, but this woman was so sweet and gentle with her words when I arrived. We talked through what things could be but didn’t want to jump to conclusions. All of this was happening after I returned home from Florida, was diagnosed with walking pneumonia and was feeling generally miserable, so it was not easy to endure and made the stress even more heightened. But, in that appointment, we evaluated what was going on via vaginal ultrasound and everything looked okay. I sighed a huge relief when I saw that teeny tiny form of a baby inside my uterus and the sound of the heartbeat rapid as it was supposed to be. The provider told me additional spotting based on the exam could be expected, but if anything changed, or I began experiencing pain, or the discharge became heavier, to call and report immediately. After all, there is no way of predicting a miscarriage. I left the office relieved, but not confident that all was going to be okay. I prayed relentlessly.
The spotting stopped for about two days and then came back again, heavier this time. It still wasn’t bright red in color, but I called in to report. Because it was a weekend, the triage nurse called me back and talked me through everything. A trip to the ER wasn’t warranted, so here we waited again for Monday morning to call and see my OB as a follow up. I spotted that whole weekend and was completely paranoid every time I used the bathroom. It was hard to describe to Mark my fear + comfort knowing it was in God’s hands. Mark has such a beautiful outlook on life so he just wanted to be supportive that we would be together no matter what happened.
On that Monday morning I went in for another check. My OB talked through more possibilities after asking me a series of questions. Praise the Lord for having such an intelligent, thoughtful and experienced provider! Sure enough, one of the possibilities he noted was a blood clot and that is exactly what he found while carefully reviewing my entire uterus and baby during another ultrasound. During pregnancy, the placement of your placenta and uterus do not reach their final home until later in gestation, and at the point of about 8 weeks, there was still space between the two. So, if you can picture it: my low lying placenta on top, a cavity of space with a blood clot in the middle and uterus at the bottom. Generally, anytime things would move around, it would force some of the clot to be expelled.
Honestly, it was a huge blessing to find a source to this spotting. I prayed that I wouldn’t go in for another appointment and have the answer recited to me “spotting can be normal”. I wanted something to ease my nerves and settle my fear. It did exactly that. I was told the spotting could last for several more weeks until the placenta and uterus grew together to close that space, but in less time than expected, the spotting stopped.
The moral of my story here is, I don’t think mothers should treat any new pregnancy symptoms as normal. I think it is our job to be our own health advocate and that we should feel confident reporting changes in our symptoms or feelings of wellness in order to seek answers + to be proactive about addressing any concerns. For me, this goes not only for seeking an answer in regards to the spotting/clotting, but also for my nausea. If I would have tried to endure it longer, I would not have been able to care for my children. I had to report that I was nauseous 24 hours a day with vomiting and that I had two young kids at home to take care of yet was unable to do so because of the severity of the symptoms. I needed a solution to help me get through the worst of it and if I wouldn’t have spoken up, I don’t think anything would have been offered to me.
// pregnancy plan //
During week 12 I met with a perinatologist, who becomes part of my OB team with my primary provider, to discuss my pregnancy plan. For those who are not aware, my pregnancy with Maven resulted in a one-night hospital stay at 30 weeks (1 cm dilated) and at home bed rest for the duration of the pregnancy with a 36 and 6 delivery. I was contracting on and off for weeks and weeks with slow cervical change. In retrospect, my labor progression with her was probably a month long. (Ha!) With Sylvie, I was admitted to the hospital at about 22 weeks (1 cm dilated) and contracting 5 times in 30 minutes. The contractions slowed and eventually stopped, but I was to stay in the hospital until a yet to be determined timeframe. After what seemed like forever (it literally was), I was released at 28 weeks and sent home to continue rest — which is not so easy with a toddler at home to take care of. I delivered Sylvie at 35 weeks.
During both pregnancies I experienced cervical shortening which is somewhat vague in terms of a medical condition. Generally, a woman’s cervix should remain about 5 cm long until much later (35 weeks or so) in pregnancy but mine has shortened to less than half of that at 20 weeks. The implication is that labor could be much sooner because of this. During pregnancy with Sylvie, my cervix was measuring less than 1 cm at 22 weeks, threatening very early labor. Treatment during that pregnancy (due to the information from my previous pregnancy and delivery history) included IM and vaginal progesterone and Fetal Fibronectin testing.
This pregnancy, we discussed a cerclage – a stitch to keep your cervix closed. It’s such a grey area to determine if I’m a candidate for this because from a medical perspective, I was able to reach “safe(r)” delivery periods and had two healthy birth outcomes. Everyone is aware this did not come without sacrifice and that it would be much more challenging to be on hospital or home bed rest this time around. To make a long story short, based on recommendations of a team of high-risk specialists, I am not going to get a preventative cerclage. I will, as I did with Sylvie, have weekly ultrasounds beginning at 16 weeks to measure cervical length and change along with the progesterone treatments and Fetal Fibronectin tests.
Not that we need a defense, but I have had some comments about having another baby given our challenging experiences. Therefore, I want to state: Mark and I were and are aware of the risks associated with this pregnancy but trust that God will take care and provide. We obviously want to do anything we can to avoid a six week hospital stay (or bed rest at all), but also are willing to do what is necessary to have a healthy baby to bring into our family. It seems like such a waiting game, but I’m out to believe that mindset is a huge part of the puzzle.
I will have a healthy, full term pregnancy, I keep telling myself.
I’m doing the best I can to take care of myself which in turn takes care of our little baby inside. I’m listening to my body, getting a lot of extra (demanded) rest, staying completely hydrated and taking life + activity with precaution.
Bringing a life into this world feels like such a great responsibility, but it is one I am so utterly grateful to have. I cannot wait to meet this little love of ours (but hope it’s not until after 37 weeks). We so greatly appreciate your thoughts and prayers during this pregnancy and will be sure to keep updating as it progresses.
XO