Fertility, infertility and the help some couples need to bring babies into this world can all be topics that are hush-hush — not openly discussed. I get it. If you ask me, I mostly share this type of information with my husband, of course, along with my sisters and mom. Not outside of my close circle. Vulnerability is hard and struggling with something that is so important in your life, such as getting pregnant, is not easy to open up about. Today, I am so gratefully a platform for this topic, not sharing all of my story, but letting my friend Lauren share her story and wisdom on it all.
Lauren and her husband posted a beautiful, happy pregnancy announcement on Facebook a while back with the most genuine message behind it. They shared that what you didn’t see in the photo was the story of how they got to this point. That story of theirs contains over 4 years worth of disappointments, tears and sadness to be able to announce and celebrate a pregnancy. The story includes countless trips to doctor’s appointments, thousands of dollars in costs for interventions and the overwhelming heartache when none when it worked.
I was so moved by this and beyond happy for them that they were finally expecting a baby. I’ve been praying for them ever since and watching as the photos they post just radiate the happiness they are experiencing now. When Lauren sent me her story to post here, I was brought to tears. She is so courageous to share with other women as well as purposeful about sharing to help others who may share some of the same struggles. While some of it resonates with my experiences, other parts I just can’t simply imagine having to endure. I am so eager for Lauren to share more because I, too, believe opening up and sharing these vulnerabilities may be just what we need to do.
Wild-Hearted Wisdom by Lauren
Hey! My name is Lauren and my husband, Mike, and I have been married for 5 and a half years. We’ve been together almost 11 years. We run a small business together and love to travel. We struggled with infertility for over 4 years but got pregnant this past June. We are currently 24 weeks along with our miracle baby.
Deciding on Baby
We decided to wait not long after we got married to start a family. We had just bought a house, both of us had good jobs, so it seemed right. Our expectations were that it was going to happen if not right away, then quickly. Neither of us had experienced problems in the past or there wasn’t anything that could have indicated any problems. Infertility wasn’t present in any of our family history even, so it truly wasn’t even on our radar. We were both pretty excited to start trying. We had been together a long time and it seemed like a good time. We took a fun European trip at the start of us trying so our spirits were high and we were at a great point in our marriage.
The Journey
After about a year of going off the pill and nothing happening, I mentioned it to my OBGYN. I had a few pretty long cycles that were concerning so she had me try clomid and letrozole to help boost my ovulation. Nothing worked, another 9-10 months went by. All my testing was coming back normal, which was good, but still didn’t provide any answers. She sent me to a specialist. This was scary because not only did we have to admit there was a problem, but insurance doesn’t cover much or any of the cost. We did more testing at this clinic, everything came back pretty much normal. There was one hormone that kept showing up a little elevated, but nothing off the charts. He sat down with us and told us that he thought I had PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome). While I never showed any cysts on my ovaries, there are other ways to diagnose this; infertility, long cycles, elevated hormones. He suggested doing IUI’s, (intrauterine insemination). We felt hopeful this could work so we tried it 3 times, but none of them took. The doctor sat us down again and suggested IVF. The dreaded acronym that no couple trying to conceive ever wants to hear. Again, not only did was this a total emotional blow, but financially, it was a decision that was going to take some time.
A few months after our last visit with the specialist, I found a local support group. There I learned about the option of doing IVF in a different country, something I had never thought of before. One couple had gone to Prague to do it. Mike and I researched it and it seemed like a great option for us. First, it was about a fifth of the cost for the IVF itself, running around $3,000 for everything, medications included. Where in the US, a single cycle could cost between $13,000-$16,000, depending on the medications you need, how many ultrasounds you need, etc. We absolutely love to travel so it seemed like an amazing way to see Eastern Europe while still attempting the IVF. The clinic we chose was amazing. The staff was incredibly supportive, they had English speaking people on staff, everything was done the same way it is done in the US, so we knew we were in good hands. We prayed so much for everything to work out. I was worried that we would have too many embryos left over and then decisions would have to be made on what to do with them. What if we didn’t get any? What if I was over stimulated and couldn’t complete the cycle? We left everything up to God. In the end, on transfer day, we had 2 embryos that made it, so we transferred them both. The odds were in our favor! We finished up our trip, made it home safely, but a few days later we found out that neither of them took. It was the worst feeling in the world. That was our lowest of the low, our darkest moments. It’s a loss that is hard to describe. I’m not sure how many people believe that an embryo is a person or a being, but I do. It was a loss of life, a loss of a future, a loss of possibility. It took a long time to get back to feeling optimistic.
After a while, we picked ourselves up and really started caring for ourselves in different ways. We continued to travel, we found Badger CrossFit, a gym that has a great community of healthy support, physically, nutritionally, and emotionally. We focused on these things for well over a year and we started feeling really good about ourselves again. We decided we didn’t need an immediate plan, we wanted to keep focusing on our marriage and relationship together.
The Disappointments
The most disappointing part of this journey was the day to day things most people take for granted. Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, hearing women complain about being pregnant, people complaining about their children, being invited to baby showers, the list goes on! Many of them were difficult but we learned to not take it personally, but rather to use it as a lesson that when we were parents that we would not do those things.
Encouragement
The most encouraging part of the journey is everything we learned along the way, all of the people we met, all of the experiences we got to experience if we would have gotten pregnant right away. I learned a lot through my local RESOLVE support group, I learned to love myself even if that meant I wasn’t a mother yet for some time. I found amazing resources like PCOS Diva, which helped with diet, motivation, and self care. I found Ovusense, a highly technical ovulation monitor that is more effective than the regular ones, especially for women with PCOS. It was really empowering to finally feel in control, even though so much is out of our control. I was encouraged by the words of other women who kept up the day to day fight for self care.
The Right Things
We stopped going to the fertility specialists all together, I also switched OBGYNs. Whatever we had been trying for the previous 3 years wasn’t working and we needed something different. I found an amazing OBGYN who listened to me when I told her our story. She comforted me and supported me. She believed me when I told her things about my body. She is an incredibly important part of why we are pregnant today, because she listened to me and trusted me. She had me take Metformin, a blood sugar regulating drug, used mostly for diabetics, but also for women with PCOS. After 6 months of that, plus the self care I was taking, focusing on our marriage, and just enjoying life without trying to stress too much, we became pregnant. It was the most awesome surprise after over 4 years of negative pregnancy tests. Seeing the positive lines and being able to tell my husband on that Saturday morning was one of the best moments of my life.
I believe the people who helped us the most in this journey were the ones who laughed with us, cried with us, sat with us, prayed with us, and who were just there for us. That’s all you can do. Nobody can fix your pain, but friends, family, and great health care providers are crucial when you need them.
Lauren’s Advice to Those Experiencing Fertility Issues
The biggest lesson I learned and my best advice is that you need to be your own advocate. Doctors can have fancy titles behind their name but in the end, when it comes to fertility, so little is known! Listen to you body, ask for what you need, do you research, and stand up for what you believe in. Also, if you are struggling, please know there are so many women and couples out there who share the same feelings and are going through similar situations. The more you open up about it, the more you’ll find new people to connect to, whether that be at work, through friends, or online. But stay positive and trust God.
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I cannot thank Lauren (and Mike!) enough for being so open and honest about their journey. She inspires me to be more open myself. One thing I have learned in my blogging experiences thus far is that the more I put myself out there, the more I seemingly get from the world in return, and I would encourage other women to do the same. Lauren also reminds me to never take my pregnancies for granted, no matter how challenging they may be + to be that supportive friend or family member when I am needed. I am beyond excited to watch Lauren and Mike bring their little love into the world! Thank you again, Lauren!
❤️