We are just coming off of an 8-day, 7-night bender of Mark’s work travel and are feeling SO happy to have him back home. Well, for a day or two at least. I always laugh a little when Mark will say “oh this is just our busy time of year” or “I don’t travel that much anymore”. In actuality, he doesn’t have a busy season – it’s all the time — And, he does still travel quite a bit, even if it’s not every single week like it once was. If I’m being completely honest though, I never hold it against him. He does SO much for me and our family; we never question where we stand in line of priorities + his employer treats him and our family so well too. Seriously, he gets a 6-week paternity leave and I don’t think either of us would trade that for the world.
Trust me, I know just how blessed I am to have a hard-working, loving + dedicated family man as a spouse. {Love you babe!}
In three and half years of parenthood, I’ve learned a thing or two about raising little ones while my husband is on business travel. We’ve had short trips and long trips and everywhere in between trips, so we’ve had a lot of experience. I sometimes get asked how I do it, or if I’m nervous for him to be away, or conversations mentioning adjectives such as “supermom”. But, I will never be close to that status and really just think: don’t we all just do what we have to do? That’s why today I’m sharing my truths about (currently) raising toddlers with a working, traveling spouse. It isn’t always pretty, but it’s our lovely life.
10 Truths About Raising Toddlers with a Working, Traveling Spouse
- It’s going to be hard.
Yep. Simple as that. It’s going to be hard to have everything rely on you. Truth. - Unforeseen challenges are a given.
Of course something will come up when your spouse is away. Most recently, our dog developed an ear infection while Mark was traveling. She was whimpering and uncomfortable and kept me up all night. I had to take her to the vet to get it looked at as soon as possible. Just another thing to fit in my “everything is on me” schedule, right? My neighbor had her water heater go out while her husband was gone during the same time though, so I guess I’ll consider myself lucky that this past trip didn’t bring us too much misfortune. - You’re going to want help.
Whether it’s with discipline, or bedtime, or with the potty emergencies, or getting to an appointment, or cooking, or cleaning or a n y t h i n g, the thought is going to cross your mind that you just wish someone could be there to help you. You are not a failure for thinking this. At all. - You’ll learn to take the help.
You may be like me, the person who once would kindly decline helpful offers, but that will pass. Actually, it will just evolve into understanding that people really do want to help. For example, it was really helpful that my mother in law picked up Sylvie from our house one morning rather than have to drive her to their house so I could get Maven to school and be on time for a work call. Could I have left extra early and taken Sylvie over there before taking Maven to school to scramble back home to jump on the call? Sure. But her offer made our morning SO much smoother and I was very appreciative. - Organization is key.
You’re going to need to be on top of everything because, well, it’s all on you. I think of ways I can organize before Mark’s departure, for example, grocery shopping before he’s gone + getting ahead with laundry if possible, making sure I have childcare lined up for when I need it, etc. It helps me to make a list of things I want to accomplish before he’s gone and then while he is away too. Also, organizing for your day the night before will save you so much hassle when you’re solo-momming in the morning. Take that one from me. - It’s best to schedule your time & use it wisely.
I say this because if you have far too open of a schedule, you’re going to go a little crazy. You’ll start to feel lonely or your kids may get antsy. I like to schedule play dates or a family dinner date one night + things to keep us entertained (but not overly committed) while Mark is away. It gives us a good structure to our day(s). As for using it wisely – if you have things you have to (or want to) get done, schedule accordingly. Do you have to use nap time for your workouts? Do you have to get up earlier than usual to get a few things done? Thinking through that schedule and time is important because for me, it makes life easier.
*Note: My new Day Designer is uh-mazing for organization and time scheduling. I’m really liking the level of day-to-day detail I can add + always have my to-do lists in one place. - Having something to look forward to each day will help you AND your kids.
If you follow me over on Instagram, you know it’s no secret I’ve used a popcorn night as an incentive with my kids. #popcornloversunite It has helped us get through a day with something to look forward to at the end that we can all enjoy together. Whether it’s an outing (seriously, my kids just like going to the carwash!), seeing friends, making an art project or watching a movie together, plan something. It is really uplifting to have something to look forward to. - If you don’t do something for yourself, you will lose your mind.
It doesn’t have to be big. You don’t even have to get a babysitter. But do something, anything for yourself. Treat yourself to a Starbucks drink while running errands. Let yourself have the night off after putting the kids to bed and watch your favorite Netflix show with a glass of wine in hand instead of picking up the playroom and unloading the dishwasher. Listen to a podcast or audiobook (check out my recommendations for mama books here!) while folding laundry during nap time. It’s the little things you do for yourself during this time that are going to make all the difference in the world. I swear. - You HAVE to give yourself grace.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. So your kids ate frozen pizza a few times during travel week, or you bribed them with fruit snacks or ice cream… or they watched far too much television… It’s NOT the end of the world. If your laundry has piled up, if your house isn’t as clean as you’d like it to be, if you lost your patience with those toddler tantrums that wouldn’t end and feel like you’re just waiting for the moment your spouse walks through the door, you’re still a good mom. Give yourself some grace + understand that all of us mamas know and do what is best for us and our children. And sometimes that means 2 extra tv shows or a later (or earlier?) bedtime than usual. - You’ll get into a rhythm and get used to it.
This spouse traveling schedule? It will become second nature. You’ll get into a rhythm and find your groove as to what works specifically for you and your little ones. I don’t mean that it will actually be easier, but sometimes it may seem easier. You’ll gain confidence in your solo-momming time and really learn to appreciate the little things (i.e. smooth bedtimes and running to Target without any meltdowns). And, you’ll become the one to remind yourself that it is all okay + you’ve got this.
I’ve lived this from two perspectives – one while working outside of the home and now one while staying/working at home. I can say that all of these truths live on in both instances. Whether I was at work all day rushing around to do drop off and pick up and pack lunches and prep dinner + do bath and bedtime routine, or home with my kids juggling it all from there, it has been hard. Both ways. But, it has been good too. And, it has become our normal. I never wish to trade our life with anyone else. We are a family full of love that truly, truly appreciates when we are all together.
I want to conclude this by saying: I absolutely commend all of the single mothers, military wives and wives of spouses who travel far more than I could imagine out there who likely have this down waaaay better than I do. You, mamas, are strong and resilient. And the thing is, we all are — no matter our situation. So to all my mamas out there, keep on ladies! You. are. amazing. ❤️
XO