This is a collaboration between Lisa of In Wild Hearts and Amy of BalancedAmes. We feel we bring value, together through our differences, to share a message of positivity and self-love.
Reflection
L: So much of the outside world impacts our self-love and self-worth. But why do we let it? I speak the truth when I say I have fallen into that trap. The door with the black abyss of insecurities and worries opened in my mind a great deal of time ago and it is sometimes SO hard to keep it shut {and locked}. I used to be exactly like the women in the video describing themselves with only details she is critical of, not nearly as beautiful as others see her.
Marketing and media are too powerful. Comparison is rampant. Success is measured in competitive ways that sometimes causes us to be harsh on ourselves. I want to remind you {and myself} though, that we are smart and we can overcome. We need to do a better job filtering through the negative and uplifting the positive. We need to see ourselves as others see us and stop the critical nature.
A: The video above serves as an important reminder for all of us. American women have an overwhelmingly negative body image. It has a lot to do with the perfect images we see on social media, TV, films, and magazines. We are living in a filtered and photo-shopped world my friends. Not only do the pictures we see have filters, but people filter their lives to only post the positive and awesome things they are doing. It can leave us feeling inadequate in many ways.
A huge influence on our confidence and self esteem is also our parents. This is nothing we can change now, but it is up to us to improve the next generation’s confidence and body image. I wrote You Get it from Your Momma about this exact subject.
As women, we are the hardest on ourselves (men can have this issue too!). We say and think things about ourselves that we would never say about our friends or family (at least I hope you treat your friends with positivity and kindness). Our eyes can zoom in on our imperfections and that it can be all we end up seeing.
This is truly one of my favorite subjects to blog about because I know that people can change and improve in this department. I’ve seen people grow into a more confident and positive headspace, it’s such a beautiful thing to witness. It changes their life!
Why is confidence and a positive self-esteem and self-image so important? SO. MANY. REASONS.
L: Our mental, emotional and physical health are all directly impacted by our inner-selves and inner-voice. I can attest to this! If I get down on myself {let’s say being critical of seeing something in the mirror I don’t like} my whole being and presence gets down. I become insecure. I make myself suffer because of a lack of my own self-worth, confidence and self-esteem. For those of you who may be similar, it affects everything we do and every relationship we have. And I don’t want my life to be anything less than great. We all need to take control to be mentally, emotionally and physically healthy. When we are confident and love ourselves, life becomes simpler and lighter. We have more inner stability and less self sabotage. We are more attractive to others. Truly, we will be happier if we love ourselves more.
A: Positive self-esteem and self image is important because it influences every aspect of our lives. We all may struggle in different areas: perhaps for you it is body image and for a friend it is confidence in relationships or the work place.
The voice that we hear most often is our own. If that voice is constantly negative, it is going to be hard to live a positive and happy life. We choose what we are going to believe. It starts with YOU!
There are going to be times when the outside world can rain on our positive little parade. People make comments that can either send you into a self-doubt tailspin, or you can take a pause and process the comment rationally. For example, during pregnancy a woman said “I think you’re having a girl.” Her husband asked why she thought this. She opened my cardigan and said “when you are having a girl, you get wide.” Excuse me, what?! Keep in mind this was the first time I met her, so I’m not sure how she made that assessment as she didn’t know my baseline.
Instead of letting this upset me, I just moved on. I was proud of my pregnant body + I didn’t feel “wide”. I wasn’t going to believe her or give her the power to ruin my positive mindset or day.
I LOVE complimenting my friends and even complete strangers. It actually makes my husband smile and laugh sometimes when I tell the cashier that I really appreciate his or her smile and kindness. Or when I tell a nurse that she is meant to do this work and she is great at it. It typically really surprises people, because people don’t hear compliments enough!
I tell my friends exactly what I’m thinking whether it be that I love their outfit, that I really appreciate how great of a listener they are, or that I’ve noticed that they look more fit. I’ve messaged acquaintances on Facebook to praise them for their clear hard work and dedication to a healthier lifestyle. These thoughts run through my head, so why wouldn’t I share them to try to make someone else’s day a little bit better? It may be exactly what they need to hear. This is a great way for each of us to make a difference and help others to see what we see!
L: As I described in my Style Alert: How to Wear A Lack of Confidence post, this is an area I have been actively working to improve upon for quite some time. Amy thoughtfully shared my post with her readers as she brings a unique perspective to this topic and a voice that is different than my own. She describes herself best when she said:
“I consider confidence + self love two of my strengths, whereas I have weaknesses in other places where {Lisa} is strong. That’s the great thing about friendships, we can help + balance each other.” – Ames
Amy and I believe that our two different personalities and perspectives can combine to make the subject of confidence and self-love more relatable for everyone. Together we want to share our thoughts and hearts with you. Whether this is an area of strength or weakness for you, we hope to inspire everyone to live in more positivity.
Our Strategies for Living With Self-Confidence and Greater Self-Love
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Stop your inner critic.
L: My momma always said, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” This goes for your self-talk too! Stop the negative thoughts, replace them with good thoughts of yourself, or if you just can’t do that yet, focus on thinking about other positive things or people in your life. This is an area in which I struggled for a while {and still sometimes do!}. I’m going to share with you something my mom told me a long time ago, because surely moms know best. She said to take my worries, my anxieties, all those things that make me less than whole, and put them in a box. {Really, she said write them down and put them in a box or visualize putting them in a box.} Wrap that box in the prettiest paper, put a big ribbon or bow on top and send it right up to God. {He is my refuge!}
L & A: Inner critics are so hard to tame when you fall into the comparison trap. It’s too easy these days between media, marketing, curated social media feeds, other people’s successes, etc. to start down that slippery slope. But, don’t let the perception of something or someone fool you. Everyone has ups and downs. Everyone has things they love or don’t-love-so-much about themselves. You never know what someone else is going through…even if they are smiling every time you see them. So, try to remind yourself, as we do, don’t compare. Just uplift – yourself and others. Make a conscious effort to do so.
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Practice gratitude each day.
L & A: Be ever so grateful for every.little.thing. in your life. Start a gratitude journal. Write things down each day that you are grateful for and make sure you include something you appreciate about yourself. Also, spend time not just writing about but talking about what you are grateful for too. We both make an effort to discuss the peak and the pit of our days with our husbands {the best part and not-quite-the-best part}. It truly helps us reflect on what is important in life.
Not sure if it will help? Practicing gratitude is a proven strategy! Scientists over at Greater Good: The Science of a Meaningful Life have studied the impacts of gratitude. They’ve found it leads to stronger immune systems and lower blood pressure; higher levels of positive emotions; more joy, optimism and happiness; more actions of generosity and compassion; and less feelings of loneliness and isolation. It’s a simple place to start, so take a step forward in practicing gratitude.
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Use physical activity to your advantage.
L & A: Exercise has so many benefits and even though we already exercise to stay fit and healthy, we know and understand this to be a tremendous resource for self-image and confidence. Lifting weights has been found to lower anxiety. Aerobic activity can improve mental positivity {endorphins!}. Finishing a workout can produce a sense of accomplishment. The act of working out can reduce stress. Regular exercise helps us feel more prepared, both physically and mentally, for life’s challenges. Exercise also provides security by letting us feel like we are in control of something {when those crazy insecurities and negative thoughts can spiral us out of control}. This sense of control, and all other benefits of exercise, help us to feel good. We definitely use physical activity as a strategy to bring a little more zen to our lives.
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Be kinder toward other people.
L: I once read, “Kindness makes you happy and happiness makes you kind” and I couldn’t agree more. Just as moms know best, so do grandmothers. My grandmother touched my heart in so many ways and though she has passed, I do my best to live out her legacy with meaningful purpose. Years ago she encouraged me to make a New Years Resolution with her that if I was thinking anything nice about someone that I wouldn’t hold back but instead, say it. Speaking positivity is surely a way to bring positivity right back to you – and make you happier in the process. I have since taken that New Years Resolution and added it to the way I want to live out my life each day.
L & A: As we’ve both described, we always aim to say what it is we are thinking or feeling to be kind and uplifting toward others. Being kinder towards others doesn’t just have to involve words though; it can involve actions too. Volunteering has been studied and found to be a great influencer on an individual’s happiness as well. Another study from Greater Good shared that the more altruistic a person is, the greater the sense of purpose and meaning in their lives. Donate your time to do something for someone else. You will find yourself feeling more positive in the process, and you’ll be focusing on something far greater and more important that the meaningless insecurities of yourself that you {used to} worry about.
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Surround yourself with positivity.
L & A: Build a support system around you. Who can hold you accountable when you’re working on a goal? Who will check in on you from time-to-time to give you words of encouragement, a break when you need it, a listening ear or a good laugh? Don’t let the thoughts and actions of others bring you down, rather use the positivity of others to raise you up. Find that group of go-to supporters to be your people. Your tribe. We use ours for advice, for uplifting, for a shoulder to lean on, for help and resources and for fun and fellowship. Having kind-hearted, positive people around us helps us to reflect more highly upon our lives, our purpose and our selves.
Final Thoughts
A: Show yourself love! So much of it. Spread it around to others too. This may not come as natural to you as it does to others, but you can improve and get on a better track. Never let the number on the scale or a picture define your happiness. Even if you aren’t where you want to be, it is your journey. You aren’t going to get where you want to be any faster by bullying yourself. My very best tip is to stop a negative thought train in its tracks. In that moment, maybe you cannot flip that thought into a positive one…but, in that moment find something kind to say to yourself.
L: When I write down these strategies and collaborate with Amy, it doesn’t seem so hard. But, sometimes I get caught up in life {or rather, in my own mind} and get down on myself. I’m a perfectionist by nature and have had to realize that “perfect” isn’t attainable, most likely because I set that incredibly unattainable perfection standard. In my quest to increase confidence and practice more self-love, I have found my girls to be an amazing inspiration and my husband to be my biggest fan. I will do my best to follow these strategies and do everything I can to live out the woman I want to be, to live proudly and to provide leadership to my children.
We aren’t alone in this world. So many other women feel the same and want to overcome the critics and/or self-sabotage too. We have positive people around us. Let’s embrace them and ourselves!
“We as women are the worst critics of our very own thoughtful thoughts; whether it is what to say, what to wear, what to do. Let’s lighten up on ourselves and get back to the basics, keep it simple. Let things go, thrive on your strengths and be a good person. A little lesson I love by (yes, love by) daily: compliment someone everyday. It feels good to make someone feel good. Create confidence for someone else, watch it spread and feel it come back around.” –Kelly Hanson (Pewaukee, WI)
“Somewhere along the way we were taught to pick and poke and prod at our bodies. We were shown that to say “I am beautiful” is boastful and to pick apart ourselves and tell others what we absolutely “hate” about our bodies was accepted. Instead of standing confidently in our skin, we shrink into the void and hope that our big hips or cellulite or stomach pudge would hide too. Body shaming became the new black and black became the new way to appear skinnier, more invisible to a judging world. It’s easy to talk about, to string words together but it’s harder to live. In a society that makes us feel not enough, not worthy, not beautiful, I want to be the gentle whisper among the screams of social media: you are enough, you are worthy, and I pray to God that someday you can see your beauty the way I see it in you.” –Jenna Kutcher (Chicago, IL)
“Be kind to one another.” -Ellen Degeneres
Our Farewell to You
L & A: We came together because two perspectives are better than one. Together, each of us can be stronger. As we want to inspire those around us, we also want to raise a generation of children that is full of kindness, (self) love, respect and motivation. We want our children to be surrounded by positivity and always remember that God loves them for exactly who they are, flaws and all.
From the bottom of our hearts, thank YOU for reading this. You are beautiful, you are strong, you are worthy, you are important. Never let you talk yourself out of that.
❤
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