I don’t know that I’ve ever shared here the story of how Mark and I met. At that time, I had recently exited another not-for-me relationship and was feeling exhausted (even hopeless) from my tumultuous history of past relationships in general. Mark was traveling a lot for work and couldn’t seem to find the right person or even the time to date.

I signed up for e-harmony. I have people close to me that had success finding their spouse through the dating site, so I thought maybe I would give it a try. I was a little skeptical. A little optimistic. Open to finding the right person. Not in a hurry. Just not into the dating scene anymore.

Mark was busy. Tired of going out on first dates and not getting many new matches. Was going to close his account at the end of the upcoming month + take a break. He was still traveling a lot anyway. Enter my new profile into the mix ☺and it was a match. We went through the whole online process so quickly and started texting and talking quite a bit right away. Our first date was set, it went well, Mark asked me out again for the very next night, I said yes and the rest is history.

Amen to my first, only and last date from e-harmony introducing me to my forever.It’s funny how the internet had to bring us together. We actually have lots of mutual friends and interests that have even had us in the same place at the same time – just fate hadn’t had us meet yet.

Photos by the talented Talia Laird Photography.

Mark and I are so similar and so different at the same time. I think that’s what makes us good partners in life. We compliment one another and have worked really hard to set a good, strong, faithful foundation to our marriage. Our relationship progressed quickly and after getting married; we quickly added new things to our life together: a puppy, a house, babies…

Really, we’ve added a lot to our lives since meeting one another. It would be easy to look at all of the things we’ve added and say we have less time for “us”. But, I stick with the idea that busy and babies shouldn’t take away from what we have. It should add to it too – again, that isn’t always easy.

We are currently in a phase of life where we are entirely busy and now have three babies to raise, so I’ve been focusing more and more on how to be a better wife through it all. Not the wife who is exhausted after a long day home with three little kids + expressed that in short, crabby answers to her husband when he comes home from work. (Though trust me, I’m not perfect. That happens.) Not the wife who isn’t as fun and lighthearted as those days of dating. But the wife who is solid. A foundation. A partner. A best friend.

Because I know I’m not alone in this busy + baby phase of life, I’m sharing three of the things I’m doing to become a better wife. It takes time and effort and patience and perseverance, but I know it is making a difference in my marriage. And to me, that is everything. Because this marriage of mine is my everything + I want to treat it with the utmost respect + priority.

Fate may have brought us together, but effort will keep us madly in love.

| 1 | Speaking in love languages.

We learned about this in our premarital counseling class at church and it was so helpful. Determining our love languages was a key piece of figuring out how we would love and support one another as a couple. As Mark has kindly pointed out, it’s easy to speak in our own love language but takes effort that is sometimes out of our comfort zone to speak in someone elses. Mark’s love language is primarily physical touch – so if I would perform acts of service such as keeping our house clean, getting his clothes ironed, etc. for him, it would not speak to his heart in the same meaningful way that physical touch would. Let me just say for me personally, in a time when I have three little kids who physically need me all of the time, I like more space than I used to. I used to snuggle with Mark on the couch more when we would watch our favorite show together or even simply reach for his hand more frequently. It’s no longer as natural as it once was because I crave space! I have to make this effort to speak his love language, and make the effort out of a deep love, not obligation.

As I do speak more of my husband’s love language, I can see right in front of me how it transforms him. I could relate it to being really, really thirsty and the feeling of a big glass of water quenching that thirst. We all have love needs, and our love languages pour into those needs. I do not want my husband to live a thirsty life, rather be full and satisfied because I then know together we are stronger.

Determine what your love languages are here.

 

| 2 | Re-implementing Love Unending.

I read the book Love Unending (okay, let’s be real, I listened to it) when my friend Amy started an online group to support the book’s 21 day challenge to transform your marriage. Here’s the thing: It went too fast for me. Each day I would listen to what I was supposed to implement, validate it, even think OH YES that is so good and will make such a difference in my marriage and then try really hard to put it into practice. The goal was to add each instruction each day of the 21 day journey, but honestly, I wasn’t doing them all. Some days I did it really well and other days I didn’t.

I’m now going back through the book much slower and trying to meaningfully implement the practical + purposeful ways to strengthen my marriage. It takes 3 weeks or more to make an action become a habit, so I am going to pace myself. The book was really good, so I want to implement really well in hopes Mark feels that I’m transforming as a wife. I plan to continually revisit chapters as I need refreshers or reminders.

Purchase the book here or sign up for audible and download the audio version. Listening to it is approximately 10 mins each chapter!

 

| 3 | Having weekly conversations with the Navigators Council Journal.

This has been so, so good for us. I’m a natural conversationalist and Mark, well, he’s not. By sitting down weekly with our Navigator’s Council questions, we have carved out a dedicated time to talk to one another in a deeply connected, non-confrontational way. We are open, honest and are really practicing active listening skills. For me – I have a chance to really listen to Mark’s answers on the prescribed weekly questions but ask my own questions to facilitate further conversation. I have a chance to let him know I hear him, see him, value what he has to say without the chatter of our kids in the background. Of course we talk every day, but this intentional weekly conversation allows me to set my priorities as a wife. Learn what I need to pray for my husband about and how I can better serve + support him. We both leave the conversations feeling better connected.

Check out what the NC Journal is + see the weekly questions here. Purchase the book to start your own conversations and journal them together.

 

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Busy mama with babies, I see you. I know marriage can be hard and I also know that making it a priority isn’t always the easiest thing to do when you feel stretched thin. But what I can tell you is, take one step. We mamas and wives can take ownership for our actions, our emotions and our investments into our marriage. By working at it (even in baby steps) there is a really great return on our investment.

I’m not a perfect wife by any means. But, I think by wanting to be a better wife I’m moving in the right direction. I hope these strategies help you in some way!

 

XO