This week is a big week for Mark and I: three years of wedded bliss! I thought this would be as good of time as any to let you all in on some more details about us and our love. Plus, I always mention Mark, so it only makes sense for him to introduce himself a bit more too! Today is Part 1 of a 3-day-blog-week: Our Anniversary Story. Wednesday will follow with more about Mark and Friday will conclude with some things we are reflecting on after three years of marriage.

While there are joyful memories of getting married, it was also a very difficult time in our lives. Through deep sadness and great loss, we built an even stronger foundation in our relationship with one another. And that is part of what makes our anniversary story so unique…

Mark and I have two anniversaries. Not as in an engagement anniversary and wedding anniversary, just simply two wedding anniversaries. That may sound strange, but it’s bittersweet and true.

I remember it so clearly. Just over three years ago, Mark and I were on a walk when my heart was pounding. We were walking next to one another and I was in tears. I somehow was able to mumble the words, “Mark, I think we need to postpone our wedding,” but not without a deep, trembling fear for how he was going to respond. I desperately described how this had nothing to do with cold feet, confusion or my always-complicated-personality, and I was so, so scared I was going to break my groom’s heart.

You see, my family was in the midst of some of the deepest pain and sadness I have ever endured. After my sister and her husband had sent their premature son, Chase, to heaven in the previous year, they were now suffering through the unthinkable. Sarah has a unique anatomy. She was carrying twins in two separate uteri. She went into pre-term labor and delivered Piper at the unimaginable 24 weeks gestation, leaving Paisley in utero for only a short period longer. My words can’t even begin to describe the stress, pain and sorrow the next 10 days in which Piper lived with us on this earth brought about. And I can’t even begin to try to put words into text to describe how Sarah and her husband were feeling or what our family was going through. I only prayed to God I could bear some of the pain of this difficult time to take it off of their hearts and minds, and based on how I was feeling, I think my prayer was answered. Nothing could take away the pain of that tragedy, though, and lessening it may not have even been felt due to how deep and dark the pain was (and is). Only three weeks later, Paisley was born into this world: A micro-preemie born at 27 weeks gestation. To spare you all of the story and emotions {something I could share in great length and through many tears}, I’ll suggest you binge read Sarah’s blog and start here. It was at this time Mark and I were supposed to get married.

I don’t want to sound harsh when I write any of this, or seem too objective. It was beyond horrible. It was unspeakable, and an absolutely terrible time in my life, but I worry my words won’t do justice to what the hearts of others were going through too. For the sake of this anniversary story, I am just trying to convey that this was not something we ever could have predicted happening, not something we ever wanted to endure and surely not the time in our lives to feel incredibly joyful and celebratory. It was a time in our lives when we had been planning everything for us and it actually turned out to not be about us at all.

Mark is an amazing man. He is so thoughtful and gracious and loving. He stood by me with such strength and dignity that I couldn’t have been more reassured that this was the very man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with than in that walk we had together. While I think his first reaction was ‘we can’t do that’ {because in all honesty, how do you postpone a wedding with all of the details we spent months preparing for?!}, he so-very-quickly changed to ‘okay, how do we do this’.  We both responded to the delay of our wedding in sadness, but Mark simply astounded me with his contemplation and reflection on our decision. Together, we thought through how this would impact our parents who put love and energy and resources into planning our wedding. We thought about those who had made travel plans. Our friends, our family, our colleagues and all those we wanted to share our special day with. Our vendors and the logistics. Our commitment to one another. We didn’t want to hurt anyone, but our hearts were hurting and we just knew exactly what we should and needed to do.

Mark immediately went into project manager mode and took care of all of the details when my heart was so completely broken and all I could and wanted to do was be there for my sister and my family. His parents were beyond amazing, as they always are, and offered to do anything they could to help. This family, who wasn’t even officially my family yet, felt it in their hearts, too. We all talked, sorted and prayed through it all. We came to the decision that we would still get married on our planned day with our immediate family members, wedding party + a few lifetime friends and those few family members who had already secured travel plans. We felt guilty letting everyone else know that we were closing our day to the whole guest list and not sharing it with others. We just prayed they would all somehow understand. While not everyone seemed to be able to, we prayerfully moved forward in our plans to delay.

Mark’s brother, a pastor, married us under the most beautiful tree on a sunny, July 13, 2013 while we were surrounded by this small group of our closest supporters. It was very informal, in a sense. I didn’t wear my gown, Mark and I walked down together to where the group stood for the ceremony, and we all felt the heaviness of the bittersweet moment. The words of the ceremony, our sweet spoken vows and tearful eyes gazing at each other created so much sentiment.

 

Through tears of sadness and joy, we did our best to celebrate in the moment of uniting as one. Mark became my husband on that bittersweet day. And, I wouldn’t have it any other way. This is the anniversary we celebrate. The one we will look back on for the rest of our lives and remember with deep-rooted emotion.

Happy, happy anniversary (week) my love! I am looking forward to many, many more to come.

For beautiful news to share, Paisley who was once a micro-preemie, is now the most gorgeous, free-spirited, fun-loving 3-year-old and I couldn’t be more thankful to be her Auntie! And, for those who are interested in the re-scheduled wedding plans:

We had another ceremony and hosted the reception we had originally planned for the next fall. November 16, 2013 to be exact. I wore my gown, which had to be altered quite generously because on that given day I was 18.5 weeks pregnant with our first little love. We actually had very a unique reception because our wedding cake was also our gender reveal cake. ☺️ Guests were able to wear a pin designating team boy or team girl, and while we danced the night away, we were finally able to celebrate the joyous occasion of our wedding along with the pink cake filling announcing the arrival of our daughter.

 

See you back on Wednesday!

XO

 

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