It’s so exciting to finally be able to make the announcement that we are expecting our third baby! After losing a tiny little life this winter, it feels like that much more of a blessing. And, it’s kind of a relief to tell you, too… A relief because I feel less worrisome about a miscarriage after reaching the first trimester milestone, no longer need to worry that Maven will announce it to the world before we are ready + a major relief since I no longer need transform my wardrobe to hide my growing bump. Baby bump number three is no joke, people. Honestly though, I am so, so incredibly grateful for this opportunity to have another baby. God blesses us mommas with such miracles and it is something I cherish so deeply.

Our journey to baby number three hasn’t been a walk in the park. When I opened up and shared about our early miscarriage this winter, I had conversations with so many women about loss and life, fertility and infertility. They are all such personal, sensitive topics, but we all agreed that talking about them and sharing about them help us in so many ways. I understand and respect that some may choose not to use fertility treatments or medical interventions. I also understand that this very sensitive topic and everyone has a different experience. My story is that: just mine, how I have lived it. But, through speaking truth and sharing vulnerabilities I trust that at least one person will be reached who needs to hear a detail in my story that relates to theirs or see a spark of hope in their own journey to a baby.

My Fertility

I have never had a regular menstrual cycle. It’s always been complicated, and because of that, I’ve worked closely with my OB while trying to conceive all of our children. Even a year in anticipation of knowing we wanted to have a baby shortly after getting married, I talked to my OB about how it could even be possible given my irregularly. (I’m a planner by nature + Mark and I agreed it was something we both wanted early in marriage and needed to be addressed given my issues.) I still find it quite humorous how many comments we received about getting pregnant right away or getting lucky immediately since we were able to conceive Maven shortly after getting married. In actuality, the process of getting me to a point of becoming fertile was quite long and not without intervention.

The second note of my fertility is that I am not one of those mommas who is fertile while I am breastfeeding. My cycles take a very long time to return after weaning, which obviously plays a huge role in trying to conceive. I weaned with Maven at about 7 months. Back then, I was working full-time + having supply issues because pumping (even 4+ times a day along with nursing) was just not enough to keep up with her demand. I think stress and sleep played a major role in this (but I could go on and on about my breastfeeding experiences). It was a delicate balance and a difficult decision, but knowing we wanted to try for another baby helped us make the decision to wean early rather than supplement the difference.

While trying to conceive Sylvie, my cycles were the most “normal” they have ever been, and she has been our only pregnancy that did not require intervention.

Trying + Fertility Medications

I consulted my OB as I was weaning Sylvie to determine a plan of action because we were ready for our next baby. My cycle wasn’t returning on its own, so we did actually induce a period with provera to see if things would start moving on their own after that kickstart. They didn’t, and I guess I wasn’t surprised. We consulted again and decided to induce another period + try to use clomid as a mechanism to encourage ovulation in my body. Though there is an increased probability of conceiving multiples using this medication, I was excited at the thought that we could actually conceive – after having thought for months that this is never going to happen just trying on our own. (Yes, we were open to having another baby close in age + did anticipate it taking some time to happen. Also, I should note that my OB felt comfortable working through this first line of fertility treatment with me due to my history and I felt comfortable with it due to his length of time + knowledge in the field, so I did not see a fertility specialist.)

The first cycle on clomid was exciting – I knew friends who had success in their first month! But, after my next period didn’t arrive and the test was negative, it quickly became frustrating. I didn’t ovulate — even on the medication and even though I had a positive OPK (ovulation predictor kit test). We used a few more rounds of clomid plus had to induce a period twice in that time to even be able to have the opportunity to try. Only one round of four on clomid actually resulted in ovulation, and we did not conceive that time around. (Ovulation was tracked by blood progesterone levels, though each month I did test positive with OPKs. So strange and makes me less likely to recommend those tests to anyone else!)

After the lack of success, I was then switched to Femara, an alternative to clomid that essentially does the same thing but by different mechanisms in your body. It has higher success rates for women of certain descriptors, so it was worth a try. The first month was unsuccessful, but the second was successful. Or rather, at first. This is when we experienced our loss and I was beyond devastated. It was such a huge heartbreak in my mamahood to lose a baby. My OB had such a kind response though. After months of not having success, he told me we know this can work now. In a way, it was just the encouragement I needed to hear, though never expected anyone to say it to me after experiencing such a loss. We patiently waited for another cycle and with the blessing and encouragement of my physician, started again. One more long and irregular cycle with no baby. The next month would really be our last try before taking next steps of fertility measures, which seemed a little scarier to me.

My sister Sarah so sweetly encouraged me to look into our insurance coverage regarding fertility treatments. She delicately told me that maybe it’s not in the cards for us, or maybe it would be by way of IVF and then we will have twins, or maybe this is just the push in the direction of adoption that has been on our hearts too. Bless her heart because I love her for her honesty and kindness and realness and the candid conversations we can have about everything. I took her advice and had Mark look into our insurance plan. Sure enough, the insurance defined that after one year of trying (it was a little more detailed than just those simple words), next steps would be covered – and we were beyond that point in time.

 

Positive Test

I chatted with my OB and told him I must not have ovulated this last month. I never got a positive with the OPK’s I was using, so surely it wasn’t in the cards for us. I honestly wasn’t as disappointed as I thought I would be because we had just received good news about the insurance coverage. My mindset was: let’s look into next steps, make those appointments that may take a while to get and we will enjoy this summer to the fullest no matter what the trying process would bring. Well, my OB had me come in for blood work again and I was so surprised to receive the result that I did actually ovulate. I have absolutely no idea which day or when, or where I even really was in my cycle at that point because of it, so it didn’t give me much hope. I had been tracking with detail until that time, so I truly was surprised.

But, the day came and the test arrived: positive. I cried tears of joy and couldn’t wait to tell Mark. I was incredibly nervous to make it through even just the next week because of the result the last time we had conceived, but trusted it was all in God’s hands. As the days passed and prayers were sent, comfort grew, all the while knowing a baby – our baby – tiny and true is growing inside of me.

 

Next Steps

 Step 1. Surrender to maternity pants. {DONE} ?

Okay, for real though: I have already visited the OB several times with several ultrasounds due to some first trimester symptoms (I’ll do a first trimester update to detail more) and due to my pregnancy history. I am confident we have a good plan in place, but I will also be seeing a perinatologist this week to discuss the option of a cerclage. (A stitch in your cervix to keep it closed!) As a woman with pre-term labor and cervical shortening history, it is a debatable option for me, but we are eager to get all of the facts and decide if this will be a good step to having a healthy, long(er) pregnancy.

My mindest is to stay as positive as possible. “I will carry this baby full term,” I tell myself + I’m trying to savor ever single (sick) moment of pregnancy. This is a blessing. It truly is.

The girls are extremely excited and Maven is so, so sweet about the baby, kissing my belly and asking me a million questions about it. She literally wants to bring every baby item we have stored in the basement upstairs to get it prepared… already. Sylvie just nods and smiles when I ask her anything baby related and has become quite the little momma to her dollies. (The cutest!) Mark and I are preparing ourselves to be outnumbered and are currently deciding if we will let the gender be a surprise this time! So much love and happiness in our little squad right now. Can’t wait to share more of our journey.

 

Here we grow again… ??

 

XO