First note: it’s not always picture perfect. See above.

The saying “the days are long but the years are short” has been taken to a new level as I just reflected that it’s already been half of a year since I’ve worked outside of the home. I just reached the 6 month milestone since leaving my job back in January and I have to say, I have no idea where the time went. Like any new chapter you start in your life, becoming a stay at home mom has been a transition. On one hand, it’s the dream I’ve always wanted to be home for my children and it’s finally come true. On the other hand, there are times when I have to remind myself the grass isn’t always greener – as in, it wouldn’t be any easier if I went back to work, it would just be different. When I was working, our challenges were different than they are now, our time was different than it is now, pretty much a LOT of things were different.

If I’m going to be quite honest, I’m going to tell you a few things: There are days I want to pull my hair out. There are days I just want to eat in peace and quiet, and feel like that’s not so much to ask. There are days where I don’t know how I’m going to make it through all of the crying and tantrums. And there are times when I wished my husband had a typical 8-5 job so I knew the exact moment we would have someone to rescue us at the end of it. I also sometimes (most times?) feel entirely unproductive. But of course, that is me measuring productivity on a scale that I used to use, AKA work related.

There are several realizations I’ve made in this transitional journey that I want to share. These are entirely my own experience, but if you have any stories to share, I’d love to hear them.

Since becoming a stay at home mom, I’ve realized just how busy I actually am, even if my productivity scale is not the same as it used to be. From the moment I wake up in the morning until the moment I go to sleep at night, my day is FULL. My children are early risers, so they don’t leave me much opportunity to have time without them before our day actually starts, which means I’m often squeezing in emails, phone calls, freelance + blog work and workouts all during the day while we are home together. In addition, meals, snacks, getting dressed and ready for the day, play dates and activities, errands, appointments, laundry/cleaning/household tasks (if I can even tackle that while we are all home and awake together), reading time, art time, outside time, quiet time, nap time, music time, bath time, bedtime routine, you name it — it fills our day to the brim. Someone once asked me “what do you do all day now that you’re home” and I think I said something like, oh I don’t know, we keep ourselves occupied, because in all reality I was thinking, what do we NOT do during the day?

Though I sometimes have let my new “stay-at-home-busy” feel monotonous or unproductive, I always keep this piece of wisdom with me that my mom shared: Your productivity is different now. Your productive time is the time you spend with your children by loving them, teaching them, nurturing them and being there for them. (Thanks mom!)

 

Since becoming a stay at home mom, I’ve re-prioritized things that are important to me so I don’t lose myself in the mom role. First and foremost, I just connect deeply in my soul with being a mom. I’m one of those who my baby was laid on my chest and all felt right in the world. Motherhood is at the core of who I am (even if some days I feel like I’m majorly failing at it). I was a person before motherhood though and continue to be that same person today, so keeping that identity is extremely important for me. It actually makes me a better mother and a better wife if I prioritize to do so. Things that work for me are: having time without my kids, getting together with friends, occasionally running errands without my children, exercising regularly, carving out time to work on my passion projects (such as this blog!), serving at our church, contributing to the MKE Moms Blog and honestly, get dressed with some makeup on nearly every day of the week. I realize these things that work for me may not be applicable to everyone, but in this type of transition, it was important to pick the things that mean something to me and not lose sight of them. I use these things to revitalize myself when I need it most + most importantly, prioritize them.

 

Since becoming a stay at home mom, Mark and I have endured some changes in our marriage. When we realized that the time had come when I would leave my job, Mark was actually the one to help me stick with our decision. I got cold feet a few times, but he encouraged me (as he always does) that this would be the best move for us and our family. Trust me, I wanted it too, I was just fearful of the unknown.

He was right about the decision, by the way. It has been so good for us – but it has also come with some challenges, too. For example, after the girls go to bed at night, I reallllly want some quiet time. Maven literally doesn’t stop talking, and now Sylvie chimes in, so I just need a little break from the chatter. This time after bed though used to be our prime time to talk + catch up and for a while, I just wanted silence. Because we realize how important communication is in marriage and value it greatly, we (note: I) do a much better job of sitting down to talk about our days and reflect and just chat like we used to. Without those healthy daily discussions, we were getting a bit lost. (See some of our marriage foundations that we wrote about together, here!)

Also, we’ve now had to reframe what our time looks like so we each have the opportunity to do things that are good for us as individuals. I remember in the beginning of the transition feeling slightly jealous of Mark’s commutes to work where he didn’t have to battle getting kids strapped in car seats, could choose what he wanted to listen to or actually just sit in peace and quiet. I also envied that he could go out to lunch or sneak in time to workout, or even just leave early in the morning to get a head start on his day when I was left with children who woke up crabby at 5:15a everyday. (Winter was tough for us ?) Together we worked through my hard feelings (because doing those things with and for my children is actually a privilege) and acknowledged that the transition wasn’t easy. Together we talked through that his commute shouldn’t be counted as his own time (though he did and does understand that time is so precious!) and that things such as golfing weekly during the summer are important to him. And he deserves that too!

Mark has been SUCH an encourager when it comes to me getting my own time and keeping my own identity. He will offer to get home early one night so I can leave and make plans on my own – or even just run to Target solo – and always makes it a point to ask in the beginning of the week when I’d like to have time for myself. He does an especially good job at this during the weeks he travels, which I greatly appreciate. It took some time for us both to get to this point of organization about it all, but the changes we’ve made have been good for us and our relationship.

 

Since becoming a stay at home mom, there are some things that have become lifelines to me.
Let me just list them for you:

• Play dates
• Phone calls + text messages from friends throughout the day (I need adult interaction!)
• Getting out of the house
• Nap time (whether I nap with my kids or just have a break)
• Having a schedule (this might just mean planning out our week, or it may mean having an exact plan for the day so we can all find some happiness. Kids crave consistency!)
• Silence
• Exercise and fresh air
• Listening to motivational + inspirational messages (I love podcasts!)
• Nights out (date nights included!)
• Showering by myself
• Treating myself during the week to something for me (Starbucks drive thru, out to lunch, etc.)

 

Since becoming a stay at home mom, I have never once felt unappreciative of the time I am afforded with my children. Some moms would kill to be at home with their kids but financially or situationally can’t make it work. I remember, after having gone back to work full time for a full year after having Maven, feeling like I would give anything to be home with her. I didn’t want to miss a single thing in her life. I wanted to see the milestones and be the one to wipe away all her tears. After working part-time while pregnant with Sylvie and a little more than a year after she was born, there was a little less of the struggle-to-keep-up sense of our lives because yes, part-time work is a “good balance”, but I still wanted to be home with my girls. Now that I am, I do my best to only complain about my hard days to my husband. ? For real though, I absolutely love seeing the joy in their little beings when we do something fun or funny. Or see their wheels spinning as they learn something new. I love that they want me for comfort and ask me a million questions. I love their curiosity and their challenging personalities. I love taking them places and surprising them with activities throughout the week. I love reading to them and telling them stories and snuggling every chance I get. Honestly, I just feel so darn grateful that I get to be their mom.

 

The thing is, this stay at home mom gig is different than I expected. In the past 6 months, I’ve realized many things about the role and about myself and I’ve had to work through some challenges, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. Transitioning throughout chapters in our lives always offer learning and growth experiences, and I am so, so grateful for this one. I’m also incredibly grateful for a loving and supportive husband in this process and for the opportunity to continue working on projects I love.

Life is a delicate balance of sorts, and I know some day, I’m going to miss this crazy, crazy time at home with my little loves. For now, even on our longest days, I do my best to soak it in and enjoy each day to the fullest.

Have you made this transition? What was it like for you? What were or are your biggest challenges while staying at home with kids – or even working from home with kids?

And a thank you to Amy for this post suggestion. If any of you have any suggestions or things you would love to hear from me about, please send them my way!

 

XO